I Know Now
by LixxyChan
Summary: Sakura muses on how she came to be in her current situation. And then she knows. Starts a bit depressive, but lighten ups at the end :D No pairings, Sakura PoV


I know now.

I know that I never had a chance at anything I took a shot at.

And yet even if I know now, I still ponder why I am here.

I know I never had a chance at becoming an amazing ninja- there was just too many geniuses.

Lee's saying was wrong all along. Hard workers can never overcome geniuses, because they work hard too.

But even pathetic Lee was a genius. He worked hard and became a genius through hard work. More than I'll ever be.

In my year I was the odd one out. I didn't come from a clan with amazing jutsus like everyone else or had some deranged fate spit on me turning me into a fighting machine. I shouldn't be jealous of demonic Gaara who never sleeps or happy Naruto who was hated by everyone he saved until he was at least ten years old.

I shouldn't be jealous of them, I know it. But I just can't help it.

Because even though they faced hardships to get where they are, they got there.

Ungrateful Sasuke's the last living Uchiha apart from his brother and he had to watch the same surviving brother kill his whole family over and over, but he's a genius now. He became strong because of his resentment and hate towards his brother. And that makes me want to be just like him too, with or with out his family.

Meek Hinata had to go through the whole of her life feeling useless but know she sits on high with the rest of the Hyuuga looking up to her. Because her father abused her, the once shy girl became tough and confident. And through all her bruises and scratches, she happened upon the want, desire, the _need_ to become strong. And she did.

So many ninjas were geniuses in my year, and if not, they were blessed with clan jutsus. Better jutsu's than I could conjure up, anyway.

I know that I could never have had a chance with Sasuke.

I was naive, and mostly following Sasuke because of the other girls. But unlike the other girls, my crush went further. I know it was love, and I know I was stupid for letting my feeling take over. Everyone knows I was stupid.

And I had no chance because I had no motivation, no natural talents in ninja arts. My taijutsu is crap, my genjutsu can barely be called good and my ninjutsu skills are nonexistent. I can't hit every single target with a kunai or shuriken and I have zero skills with a Katana.

I was not a beauty and I continue to not be anywhere near a cute as Hinata, or as sexy as Ino, or as independent as Tenten, or as strong as Temari. My brain only works in the classroom or workplace and is useless on the battlefield.

In reality, I know I knew I had little chance with Sasuke. But I didn't stop myself from selfishly loving him. And I know now, by stepping back and observing the bigger picture, that I had no chance with the avenger simply because he didn't _want_ to give a pathetic girl like me a chance.

I know I never had a chance at being a brilliant medic ninja because I gained a fear of death.

And even when I hadn't caused the death, when I crafted my medic chakra to weave itself into a persons wound and tried hopelessly to stitch them back up together like sewing back together a rag doll, I was scared. I was scared that I couldn't prevent death and I was scared because one day, one of my friends would come in and I would fail them. And the rag doll of my friend would burst and the stuffing called blood would sliver out and their concrete body would be clutched in my grip but no matter how hard I gripped, they would still be lost and I would have indirectly killed them. I would have killed them because I would not have been able to save them.

And when my fear of death kicked in I would screw up and almost lose the person who wasn't close to me, but certainly had a family, friends and maybe even a lover of his own who would miss him. Who would shatter like dropped glass when they found out if I failed.

And I know that that fear stopped me from being a medic ninja.

I know all of this and I wonder again for the umpteenth time how I ended up in this spot. This powerful position which Naruto had longed for for so many years.

And he was upset when I got chosen for the next Hokage, and he didn't talk to me. And I know that he had gone through all the loneliness and gained friends but not all of what he wanted and I know that I am no longer jealous of the power he, or any other genius around me possesses because after being overtaken time and time again by dead-last's, I finally got the motivation to work, _work_, _**work**_!

And I got what I wanted so badly, I got what I had yearned for without even knowing for a second what it was until I got kicked in the head and I may have lost a thousand million brain cells but that would make me no less happy because I got what I desperately fought for.

I got acknowledged.

And I know now that what boisterous Lee said was right, but not entirely. Lee said that hard-workers could beat geniuses senseless with enough work. And that was true, but what he didn't understand was that when they worked that hard, the hard-worker is no longer a mere hard-worker. They are a genius.

And I no longer want to ponder over why I have this position of power, because I have found the answer.

It's because through all my working hard I got taught by the worst and the best and through that I gained wisdom that even my genius friends don't have.

And I know now that even if I wasn't the best at ninja arts, I could get better and even though I had no chance with my first love, there will be another, and even if I had no chance of being a medic ninja because of fear I could get over it in time, and I know that even if I'm not beautiful it doesn't matter because I was born that way and I never want to change it.

Because if I had, I would not have had the motivation to get better at the ninja arts and to search for another love and to get over my fears and I know now that if I had been pretty even slightly more, I know now I would have never been as wise as I am now.

And that is why I face a village of people, all expecting me to take care and responsibility over them.

And I will not fail them.

Because I know now.

* * *

**Well that took forever and a half. It just popped into my head and I decided that another OneShot would do me good. And yes, it is rushed because I have a splitting pain in my stomach and I had to pause for a while to let this irritation pain and a half stop even if it was only ever so slightly. Not to mention I am in dire need of food, so my brain will slowly start to go to sleep. Or my attention has lessoned. Prolly both... :D**

**Yes, I like repetition. I thought you'd realize that by the way at least three of my fics have it in and two are pretty much all repetition ^_^''**

**Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters talked about or the show Naruto :D**

**Yes I am a rubbishy writer and I am in pain right now, so I half expect there to be mistakes. You better tell me if there is.  
If you don't I will probably see it when i reread it like... tomorrow. Or whenever.**

**Hope you enjoyed and you know that I would really appreciate **_reviews_** and constructive criticism :] **

LixxyChan xx


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